At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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