Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
