I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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