i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
