I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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