Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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