On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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