I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
