If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
