they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
