im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
