Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
