There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
