He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
