i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
