I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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