Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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