i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
