I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
