I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
