when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
