3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
