She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
