This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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