take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
