you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
