worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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