I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
