What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
