The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
