Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
