So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
