super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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