at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
