my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
