have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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