roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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