he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
