I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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