oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
