Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
