see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
