Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
high people should be assigned attendants
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
