And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
