Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
