Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
