why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
