this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
