There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
