Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
