I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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