How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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