There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Will exercising make me less horny?
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