I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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