She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
did i just pee glitter
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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